Captain Underpants Wiki
Advertisement

[Episode begins]

Narrator: This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins. George is on the left with the tie and the flattop, Harold is the one on the right with the t-shirt and the bad haircut. Remember that now. Also, they like to think outside the box.

George: Y'know what would be awesome?

Harold: A gorilla lawyer?

[Scene quickly cuts to Gorilla Lawyer]

Announcer: Last week on Gorilla Lawyer! Simian at law!

Gorilla: [Clears throat] [Gorilla noises]

[Scene cuts back to George and Harold]

George: Yes, but I was thinking more like Captain Underpants action figures.

Harold: That would be awesome! But how are we gonna make toys?

George: Yea, thats a problem.

[People whimper, loud thud]

Harold: Do you feel something?

[Screaming]

Harold: They must have just seen the lunch menu.

Melvin Sneedly: Bo Hweemuth is on a rampage! Run! Hide! Scream! Do all three! BO HWEEMUTH!

[More screaming and crashing]

Gooch Yamaguchi: Ah! He's a monster! We're all gonna die!

Dressy Killman: And thats the good news! [Sings] Newsssssss!

George: Bo Hweemuth!

[George and Harold scream and run]

[Theme Song plays]

George and Harold: The Costly Conundrum of the Calamitous Claylossus!

Chapter One: Bad to the Bo[]

Narrator: Bo is a student at Jerome Horwitz Elementary about whom little was known. He spend most of his school days alone in the old, abandoned ceramics studio.

Mr. Krupp: Nice work, Sneedly. Those kids ran like guppies from a hungry shark.

Melvin: My pleasure, sir. Happy to terrify those peons. Thats why I built the Faker Quaker 2000.

[Faker Quaker 2000 whirrs]

Mr. Krupp: Right. Scared children are good children. [Reverberating] Fear is our friend and fright makes right!

[Scene zooms out to puppet George and Harold reacting]

George: I mean, that is just--

Harold: -So wrong.

George: Can't even.

Harold: Yeah.

[Scene cuts back to Mr. Krupp and Melvin, whom are not puppets]

Mr. Krupp: And nothing scares them more than Bo Hweemuth, so keep it up!

Melvin: And you've written a recommendation letter for me to Eliteanati Academy...

[Bright choral tone as the scene zooms in on a newspaper for Eliteanati Academy]

Melvin: ...Correct?

Mr. Krupp: Ha! Of course. Almost done... I'd never lie to a child. ...By the way, those glasses make you look tall.

Crow: Lie! Lie!

[Scene cuts to gym class]

Mr. Meaner: [Gasps for air] Yeah, yeah, yeah... [Gasps for air] yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah six! Seven! Yeah, yeah, yeah, keep going! I just need to... yeah, yeah, yeah, ah, seeing the stars.

George: Kids are afraid of Bo Hweemuth 'cause of all the scary rumours, so if we twist those rumours around-

Harold: -Make them more fun and silly and put them in a comic book-

George: -People won't be afraid anymore!

Narrator: The kids had enough rumours for a horror franchise.

[Building tension as posters for horror movies stack up on the screen]

Gooch: I heard that when Bo Hweemuth was a baby, he was found in the woods by bigfoots. The bigfoots tried to raise him, but Bo ate so much, the bigfoots ran out of food, so Bo swallowed all the. bigfoots, and they live in his belly, except for one that got away. Now the art room is like his lair, and if you enter, you'll never leave.

Dressy: I heard something different. Eons ago, our second moon split asunder, unleashing Bo Hweemuth upon the cosmos. He rode a chariot of rainbow fire drawn by a golden griffin to earth and he uses lightning to gather the souls of children, the precious fuel for his cursed immortality. ♩Immortality!♩

Harold: Whoa, so scary!

George: And so cool! But scary first.

Mr. Meaner: I heard he has laser teeth, but only monsters have those, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, monsters don't exist, except for all the ones we've had at the school. Oh, and Chupacabra. I saw Chupacabra in Mazatlán when I was on vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hairy, vicious, big fangs... And he was surfing! Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah. I barely escaped alive, and he's still out there, hunting me.

[Silence]

Harold: What?

Chapter Two: Captain Underpants and the Clueless Claylossus! (...by George Beard and Harold Hutchins)[]

Comic Narrator: So, once, there was this giant kid named Bo Hweemuth. He was so huge, he wore size 47 shoes, and was like, "I have clown feet. I should me a clown." So Bo bought clown stuff and tried to go to clown school, but he couldn't read maps and ended up at NASA instead. And his big shoe got caught on a rocket that was lifting off, and Bo was all, "I guess I'm going to space!" Luckily, Bo landed on the moon, and the bigfoots who live there were like, "Are you a Bigfoot?" 'cause big feet, and Bo was all, "No, I want to be a clown." but when Bo tried to juggled, his bowling pins floated away. 'Cause, like, zero G and things fly away. Then Bo got hungry, and the moon's made of cheese, so Bo started eating it all, and the bigfoots were like, "You got to go, bro."

And the bigfoots threw Bo and his unicycle and his horns and his rubber noise back to earth. But Bo was still hungry, so he went to school and was all, "More cheese for meez!" but the cheese was really clay, 'cause the school was saving money and clay's cheap, and Bo ate so much, he turned into Claylossus! A giant clay monster with big feet, size 47. But Claylossus still had clown dreams and chased the kids with a bucket of confetti, and the kids were all like "Help! We hate regular clowns, and a clay monster clown is even worse!" So Captain Underpants flew in, and as like, "This clowns making frowns, so this clown's going down!" That make claylossus frown. And he chased Captain Underpants to one of those 'make-your-own-pizza' places where the ovens are really hot because people won't wait for pizzas anymore.

Claylossus dove to catch Captain Underpants, but he missed and fell on the pizza oven and was all, "Ouch! I'm getting melted by pizza heat!" and Claylossus melted into the road. So Captain Underpants and the kids had a parade on him to celebrate, with giant balloons and marching bands and break-dancers and steamrollers and tanks and elephants and, of course, clowns. So many clowns! They all stomped on claylossuses face, and elephants pooped on him alot. So Claylossus gave up on his clown dreams-- and dairy. Ok, the end.

[Scene cuts to George and Harold watching as others enjoy their comics]

George: Yup. No ones gonna be afraid of Bo Hweemuth after this.

Harold: Maybe.

Melvin: Oh, please. You poor fools. Claylossus? Bo read your vile comic book, [singsong] and he's not happy!

[Children screaming, loud thumping]

[Dramatic music]

Melvin, as George and Harold run away: It was dreadful knowing you!

Mr. Krupp: You're as smart as you are tall!

Crow: He's lying! Don't believe him!

[Scene cuts to George and Harold screaming and running away]

George: Wait, why are we running?

Harold: For our lives!

George: Because Melvin said so!? We can't trust Melvin. We don't even know Bo. We've never even talked to him!

Harold: So, maybe we should talk to him. I mean, whats the worst that can happen?

Narrator: Thats a long list.

George: It's a pretty long list. I bet I know where we can find him.

[Foreboding music as the scene cuts to George and Harold opening the door to the ceramics studio, where Bo stands ominously]

Harold: This was a mistake. He's gonna pound us worst than that clay!

Narrator: Thats on the list.

Bo: You..... did this?!

George: Uh-oh. We're about to start a...

George and Harold: Chase montage!

[Chase montage]

[End of chase montage]

Harold: C'mon, we better keep moving. George? Buddy, George?

George: Easy, man, I'm right here. Come on, we gotta keep moving.

Harold: Aah!

[Frightening and suspenseful music]

George: Huh. I wonder why he didn't kick in this stall.

Harold: Maybe he had to go to the bathroom?

George: We're in the bathroom.

Harold: Oh, yeah.

Harold: I thing we lost him!

George: See? Nothing to worry about.

George and Harold: Huh?

Harold: Hey, George, look!

George, reading: Don't think... just obey.

[They change the sign]

Harold, reading: Do butts think?

[Both laugh]

[Bo approaches them]

George: I was lying. Worry your butt off.

Bo: Oh, I've got something for you.

Harold: Does it hurt?

George: Is it one of those spiky ball weapons that I don't know what its called?

Narrator: A mace.

Bo: No. [George and Harold whimper] It's this. [Reveals a Captain Underpants action figure]

George and Harold: Whoa.

George: Thats a real Captain Underpants action figure!

Bo: I'm a big fan! I love your comics so much, I made this!

Harold: Thats... Awesome!

Bo: Thanks. I make alot of things. Want to see?

[Scene cuts to the art room]

Bo: These are some of my sculptures.

[George and Harold gasp]

George: Whoa, its all of our villains!

Harold: And us!

George: Our toys should totally look like this!

Harold: Exactly like this.

Narrator: It turns out, instead of a twisted monster, Bo was a gifted sculptor. In fact, he was full of surprises.

Bo: I play banjo, too! [Plays banjo]

[Pause]

Bo: I play banjo! [Plays banjo once more]

Harold: No bigfoots, no moon. Everything we know about you is wrong!

George: Up is down! Day is night! Potato is 'Potahto'!

Harold: Next you're gonna say you don't like cheese! [Laugh]

[Pause]

Bo: I play banjo. [Plays banjo]

George: Whoaaaaaaaaaa What?

[Harold starts humming]

Harold: Yee-haw!

George: We got to tell everybody about you.

Bo: The other kids don't like me.

Harold: And they won't like you.

George: They'll love you!

Chapter Three: Your shark is worse than your bite.[]

Narrator: Though it took convincing, the other kids quickly warmed up to Bo.

Gooch: So your venom won't melt my skull?

Bo: No, I'm just a kid like you... who can turn into a saber-toothed truck.

Gooch: WHAT?

Bo: Just kidding. [Laughs]

[The other kids laugh]

Mr. Meaner: Are you now or have you ever been friends with Chupacabra?

Bo: Ask him. He's right behind you.

Mr. Meaner: [Gasps and runs away] YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

Narrator: Bo was enjoying his un-monstering. So was everyone else. Well, not everyone else.

Mr. Krupp: Gah! Bo has gone from threat to hero! How did you let his happen?

Melvin: Me? I did my job. I'm a genius, not a wizard. Blame George and Harold.

Mr. Krupp: Son, I'm a bit of an aquarium expert.

Melvin: Oh? Spell 'Aquarium'.

Mr. Krupp: Uh, A... K... [Scream-yells] I DON'T NEED TO SPELL, I RUN A SCHOOL! The point is, an aquarium needs a shark to scare the other fish into line.

Melvin: That is demonstrably untrue, evidenced by the current state of your aquarium and its occupants.

[Shark in Mr. Krupps aquarium growls at him]

[Mr. Krupp screams]

Mr. Krupp: [Clears throat] This school is my aquarium, and Bo Hweemuth was my shark. If you don't make him scary again, this place will become an abyss of learning and harmony!

Melvin: And then you'll write my recommendation letter?

Mr. Krupp: Nothing would make me happier.

Crow: Lie! Lie! Liar! He'll never let you go! Your test scores keep the school afloat!

Mr. Krupp: [Nervously chuckles] Ah, get out!

[Door creaking]

Ms. Anthrope: Did you call me?

Mr. Krupp: No!

[Pause]

Ms. Anthrope: Your shark is gone.

[Ominous music]

Mr. Krupp: Oh, no. Close the beach.

Ms. Anthrope: What beach-

Mr. Krupp: CLOSE THE BEACH!!

Chapter Four: The song before the storm.[]

[Puppet George and Harold are performing a rap]

Harold: He's 50 feet tall minus 45 feet!

George: He's the scourge of the school except he's really really sweet!

Harold: Got a mouth full of teeth but no lasers in sight!

George: Gonna give big hugs and make you feel all right!

Harold: Got a friend named Bo!

George: He's a guy you oughtta know!

Harold: If you see him, say hello!

George and Harold: Now you got a friend named Bo!

Bo (Puppet): Call me Bo, yo!

Chapter Five: The storm.[]

[Bo whistles as he walks into the art room]

Bo: Wow, a new potters wheel! It must be a present from my new friends!

Melvin: [Laughs] Not friends, plural. Friend, singular, as in one. Me! Because I'm your only friend, Bo.

Bo: But George and Harold-

Melvin: Have you not read their wretched comic book about you?

Bo: Sure. It's hilarious.

Melvin: Hilarious?! That they made you a road and had elephants poop on you?!

Bo: Well, I mean, yeah, I liked it.

Melvin: They're just using you to make toys! Friends don't draw friends as monsters.

Bo: You're wrong! They don't think I'm a monster.

Melvin: No? Lets find out. [Presses a button, making hands come out of the machine and grab Bo] My Inte-claytion Station 2000 will fuse you with clay!

Bo: Oh, why are you doing this!?

Narrator: Good question. Let's recap. Melvin wants to go to the Elitinati Academy, his dream school. He needs a recommendation letter from Krupp, so he's doing Krupp's dirt work. Melvin also detests George and Harold, so he must destroy anything they enjoy, like Bo's friendship. But the main reason-- He's Melvin.

Melvin: I'm not doing this! George and Harold made you Claylossus. I'm merely following their instructions. Let us begin! Ugh, its updating. Hang on. [Pause] Seen any good TV shows lately?

Bo: Uhh, I watched Turtle-Lawyer. Its about a a turtle thats a law-

[Inte-Claytion Station 2000 buzzes]

Melvin: It's done. Now let us begin! Hope you like spinning! [Bo screaming] Not let there be...a vase? No, you worthless piece of... And now! [Bo starts screaming again] Let there be Claylossus!

[Claylossus yells]

Melvin: Ew.

Claylossus: Clay. CLAYYYYYYYYYYY!

Melvin: Yes, the clay impedes cognition.

Claylossus: Wha?

Melvin: Sorry. It makes you dumber but scarier.

[Claylossus yells]

Chapter Six: Claylossus One: Claylossus rising![]

[Cheerful music]

Harold: Hey, Dressy, you seen Bo?

Dressy: No, and I have a gift for him. He saved a ladybug from a spiderweb. ♩Ladybugggg!♩

Harold: Yeah, Bo's the best.

Gooch: He sure is! He fixed my bike! And it's not even my bike!

George: Yep. Bo's good people.

Mr. Meaner: He lurks in the night and drinks the blood of goats, cows, and sheep. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. [Blink] You're not talking about Chupacabra, are you?

George: [Shaking head] Mm-mm.

Mr. Meaner: Well, you should be...

Melvin: Bad news, lowbrows. Bo is coming.

George: So? No one's afraid of Bo anymore.

Gooch: I like Bo.

Melvin: Well, you should be. He's a monster.

Harold: No, he's not. Bo's is our-

[Crashing footsteps]

Gooch: Whoa- [Falls off bike] Oof.

[Ominous music]

[Dressy sings]

Claylossus: CLAYYYYYYY!

[All gasp]

[All the kids run away]

Claylossus: Friendd! :(

Melvin: I told you. They'll always fear you. I'm your only friend.

Claylossus: Me have no friends? ME HAVE NO FRIENDS!!! RAH!! [Kicks Melvin]

Melvin: Well, now you don't! You big clay...lossus! [Huff] Come on, me. Step up your trash talk. NOW YOU DON'T YOU BIG... CLAY... UGH, Whats wrong with me?

[Scene cuts to George and Harold, along with other kids, running]

George: Wait, why are we running again?

Harold: Because Bo looks like a mountain that melted into an anger hill!

George: But he's still our friend!

Harold: Oh, you're right. We got to help him.

[Pause]

George: After we find him. Where'd he go?

Chapter Seven: Claylossus Two: Judgement Clay.[]

Narrator: The Clayground is Piqua's top recreational sculpting destination.

Clayzee: ♩Oh, I'm crazy for clay, so my name is Clayzee! Come to the Clayground and clay with me!♩

Receptionist Lady: Were you interested in the basic clay package or the deluxe?

[Claylossus bursts in through the wall]

Claylossus: CLAY!!!!

Receptionist Lady: DELUXE PACKAGE ON THE HOUSE!!

Harold: He found a clay stash!

George: Quick, before he levels up!

Harold: Bo! We know you're in there!

George: Let us help! You're not a monster, you're our friend!

Claylossus: [Growling] CLAY!!

George: Plan B.

Harold: Yep. Time for Captain Underpants!

[Claylossus roars]

Narrator: Fortunately, Mr. Krupp was close by.

Melvin: Claylossus dead ahead!

Mr. Krupp: When I said make him a monster, I didn't mean make him a monster!

Melvin: He just needs more clay and less brain. All I have to do is smoosh him into a ball and try again.

Mr. Krupp: Oh you better if you want that letter. And why is this truck so small?!

Melvin: The Tinytug 2000 is immense power in a small package, just like me. And it drives itself, literally.

George: Hey Mr. Krupp!

Harold: Mr. Krupp, stop!

Mr. Krupp: Oh no, I can't be seen with you! I'M NOT HERE!! [Screams, falls out of the Tinytug 2000]

Melvin: Don't forget my letter!

Mr. Krupp: [Sigh] First my shark, now this!

George: And this! [Snaps fingers]

[Heroic music]

[Captain Underpants shoots off the ground, then after a pause, we hear a thud and a crow cawing]

Captain Underpants: Tra-la-la! Hmm, I need a cape.

Harold: Later. We need to help Bo.

Captain Underpants: Sure! Bo's a dog, right? Here, Bo! Here Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo!

George: No, he's a-

Captain Underpants: Here, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo, Bo! Here--

George: Captain Underpants! He's a clay monster at the moment, but he's also out friend, so you can't hurt him!

Captain Underpants: Ooh, that's a wrinkle.

Random Lady: Get back! [Screams]

Claylossus: [Breaks the TV the lady was on, roars]

[Melvin uses the arms on the Inte-Claytion Station 2000 to grab him]

Melvin: This is for your own good.

George: Let him go, Melvin!

Melvin: Stay out of this! The only way to help him is to smoosh him!

Claylossus: No smoosh! No smoosh!

Melvin: [Screams] You're breaking it!

[George, Harold, and Captain Underpants gasp]

Clayossus: No...! Ah!

[Clay covers the screen, when it wipes off, it reveals that everything is in claymation]

Narrator: Welcome to Piqua. Population: Clay.

Melvin: Great, look what all of you did.

Harold: Whoa. Everything clay, even us!

George: This is nuts! And awesome.

[George and Harold do a secret handshake]

Narrator: And expensive.

Captain Underpants: Everything's squishy like my belly! Whoa-oh, hey-ah! Haha! All right!

Harold: Hey, check this out! [Rips Georges arm off and sticks it on his forehead] [Chuckles]

[Captain Underpants squishes a fire hydrant]

Captain Underpants: Tra-la-cape!

[George and Harold clap]

[Little bits of clay start moving to a specific spot]

Melvin: Wha? Oooh!

Claylossus: All clay! All me! [He starts grabbing various things and smooshing them into himself] [Growls]

George: Ok [Grabs his arm off of Harold forehead] Clay times over. [Sticks it back on his shoulder] We got to stop him before we're a part of him.

Harold: How do we change him back, Melvin?

Melvin: Easy. I reverse the dynamicaflob of the flookensplooger hodank to turn the Inte-Claytion Station into a De-Inte-Claytion Station. But why would I help you? When I loathe you!

[Claylossus growls and reaches for Melvin]

Melvin: NO! [Screams]

Harold: Well, there's one reason.

[Claylossus growling]

Captain Underpants: Hey hey hey! That dog looks like a monster!

George: 'Cause he's not a dog. You gotta stop him. Be tough!

Harold: But gentle!

Captain Underpants: You're sending me mixed messages. [Flies to Claylossus as Heroic fanfare plays]

Chapter Eight: The incredible graphic violence chapter, presented in Cheap-o-Rama.[]

Narrator: The following fight is too violent to show you, so enjoy Cheap-o-Rama, featuring office supplies. --And our intern Deirdre, because they're free.

Deirdre: Paper pushers. Staple Stir-Up. Trash Talk takedown.

[Cuts back to the claymation, Claylossus is punching a smooshed Captain Underpants]

Captain Underpants: [Bounces back up] Man! That dog means business!

[Claylossus growls]

George: Wait, why are we so blobby now?

Narrator: Cost-saving measures. You have to fix this fast. If the money runs out, the episode just stops.

Harold: We got to fix this fast!

George: We need to use Melvin's gizmo to change everything back!

Captain Underpants: Oh, it's easy! Just reverse the dynamicaflob of the flookensplooger hodank!

George: How did you remember that?

Captain Underpants: They're just fun words. I can't do it, but I can say it! Flookensplooger hodank!

Harold: We need Melvin! Can you go get him?

Captain Underpants: Sure, sounds fun! Tra-la-splat! Found him!

George: Thats a car.

Captain Underpants: Right. BRB! Hey! Ha! Ha ha!

[Claylossus growls]

Captain Underpants: Flookensplooger!

Harold: Whoa, we really are getting cheap.

George: You've gotta turn him back, Melvin!

Melvin: Why should I?

Harold: If you don't, we have no school, no town!

Melvin: So?

George: No Elitinati Academy!

Melvin: I'll do it.

Captain Underpants: Uh, hurry up guys! I'm in a real dogfight over here. Hiyah! Oh!

Claylossus: Me not dog!

George: Working on it!

Harold: Hands, do your thing!

Narrator: ...No more money for hands.

George: In that case, lets roll.

Harold: Melvin, start up that gizmo!

Melvin: I'll try!

Captain Underpants: Don't forget about me!

Melvin: D- I don't know if this is gonna work. The screen is made of clay!

All: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Clay once again covers the screen, then wipes off to reveal the proper animation of the show]

Narrator: Long story short, in the nick of time, Melvin was able to flookensplooger the hodank.

Bo: You saved me!

George: We saved us!

Harold: Because friends save friends with friends who are friends! [They jump up and hug bo]

Bo: So, we are friends?

George: Yep!

Bo: And you're not just using me to make toys?

Harold: Not intentionally.

Bo: [Laughs] Yeah!

[George and Harold laugh]

Captain Underpants: We should get a dog.

Melvin: This isn't over, I'm going to- [The fire hydrant used for Captain Underpants' cape falls on him] GAH!

[The fire hydrant starts bursting water, which gets on Captain Underpants]

Mr. Krupp: Gah! Where am I? Where are my pants!? [Gasps] WHERE IS MY SHARK!??!

Chapter Nine: Claylossus: The final chapter, Independence Clay![]

[Scene cuts to George and Harold on the playground making a comic]

George: You watch Turtle-Lawyer last night?

Harold: Yeah. It's no Gorilla-Lawyer.

Announcer: Gorilla-Lawyer: Simian at law!

[Gorilla-Lawyer growls]

Gooch: How much longer on the toys?

Harold: You'll have to ask our new CTO. Thats 'Chief Toy Officer'.

George: What do you think, Bo?

Bo: Um... a month?

[George and Harold blink]

George: Now accepting preorders!

[Whimsical music as the camera pans over a long line of students]

Mr. Meaner: He's here! He found me! Chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-chu-Chupacabra!

Mr. Krupp: I found my shark! And he is not happy!

[Both yell]

Gooch: Look, Bigfoot!

Harold: OMG. We're gonna see the greatest matchup in history!

George: Shark versus Chupacabra versus Bigfoot!

Narrator: Sorry, we can't afford that.

George: What!? No way.

Harold: Aw, come on!

[Episode ends?]

Narrator: Ok, maybe just a peek.

[Dramatic music as we see the trio fighting]

[Episode ends]

Advertisement